whoowee i’m tired…and a bit stressed, needless to say. it’s been a joy to read and hear about the amazing things that god has been doing with our prayer tent over the past few days. i haven’t stopped by the tent yet, but i will soon. men’s night on friday was a treat with fellowship, fun, games, pancakes, and prayer all rolled into one package. i think some of us are still reeling from the awesomeness and lack of sleep.
as for prayer, it’s been a mixed bag of feelings for me. i have to be perfectly honest, despite rejoicing in the neat things that have happened, i wasn’t and still am not really feeling the “hype” around this prayer movement thing…if you can even call it hype. to echo some of the other things people have said, prayer has been hard. it feels kind of forced and dry for me. then there’s the question of what to pray for. having already been at men’s night, i feel like i’ve exhausted my list of things to pray for, and repeating them just sort of adds to the “forced and dry” aspect. perhaps i lack faith, or perhaps god hasn’t decided to reveal the reality of prayer to me yet. either way, in times like these, i’ve found that i’ve always come back to simply praising god. a lot of times during my prayer/quiet/devotion time, i end up picking up my guitar and singing worship songs. praising god for being who he is and realizing that it’s okay with him if i’m struggling with my prayers usually brings a sense of peace to my heart. i think in general, it really helps to look to god, worship him, and enjoy his grace when my thoughts are incoherent and i’m at a loss as to what to do and to realize that god won’t leave me, and that he’ll make sure that i get to where he wants me to be on my spiritual walk and where i need to be in life, as long as i cling to him.
so speaking of clinging to god. i went to the gospel choir concert tonight with several iv-ers, and besides the whole concert being totally off the hook, one song in particular really touched me. it’s called “i almost let go” by kurt carr, and i think it speaks volumes about god’s amazing grace that keeps us from letting go of him or life in general.
I almost let go.
I felt like I just couldn’t take life anymore.
My problems had me bound
Depression weighed me down.
But God held me close, so I wouldn’t let go.
God’s mercy kept me, so I wouldn’t let go.
I almost gave up.
I was right at the edge of a breakthrough but couldn’t see it
The devil really had me;
but Jesus came and grabbed me,
And He held me close,
So I wouldn’t let go.
God’s mercy kept me,
so I wouldn’t let go.
So I’m here today because God kept me.
I’m alive today,
only because of His grace.
Oh, He Kept me,
God Kept me,
He kept me,
So I wouldn’t let go.
Lead
I almost Let go.
I felt like I just couldn’t take life any more,
My problems had me bound,
depression weighed me down,
God held me close
So I wouldn’t let go.
God’s mercy kept me,
so I wouldn’t let go.
So I’m here today because God kept me.
I’m alive today, only because of His grace.
Oh, He Kept me, God Kept me, He kept me, So I wouldn’t let go
i’m not letting go.
-justin
4 comments
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March 11, 2008 at 12:30 am
Sarah
Hey Justin, wow that song really reached out to me too when I heard it, I was like thats so weird that they sang that song when we went.. I’m praying for you and I’m glad that you are turning to God in your time of need. Keep on keepin on!
March 11, 2008 at 10:02 am
Phil
Thanks for the song, Justin – I’ve heard it before and it’s really powerful.
I think, actually, you’re right on in what you’re experiencing about prayer. I think only a small part of prayer is praying FOR things. Often just praying FOR things is so one way: us to God. We don’t take time to listen or get in tune not just with what we want, but what God wants or what we really need.
I’m learning that it’s really a lot more relational than that, and involves interacting with God. So, if you’re playing guitar and at peace, you’re definitely praying! In that sense, it’s a relationship, an interaction, a conversation, and that can take many forms.
March 12, 2008 at 12:04 pm
uwivcf
Justin thank you for sharing your heart! I know how hard it is to be honest sometimes, but I really appreciate your honesty and am praying for you too! I agree with Phil that you can pray in many forms, and like he said, if you can praise God with your voice and your song that is just as powerful as if you are asking him or thanking him with words. I definitely have felt the strain of praying before and have ended up doing things that seem odd. I would just encourage you to keep putting your faith in God, as it seems obvious that you have been, even when you haven’t realized it!
-Catherine
March 12, 2008 at 10:41 pm
Genevieve
dude, every time we sang that song in Gospel Choir, it made me teary-eyed cuz the words really resonated with me – especially for this quarter. I love the part that says “but God held me close” =)