Well, here’s to not writing my paper that’s due in two hours – prayer is more important. I seem to have forgotton that though, it’s my best friend sitting next to me (typing her paper) who mentioned it. What can I say though, I’m too worried about failing – God, my family, my friends, myself. And which is failing? I don’t really know anymore. Is letting myself give up one assignment? I know that once I miss one homework I tend to stop doing them altogether. I know that it’s more than a day’s work, but choosing a reasearch topic that makes up my whole grade for this class. But I’d be wrong to say that any of that matters. One assignment won’t kill me. For the rest, it will be an exercise in discipline. God help me I’ll need it.

More important than school right now is carrying the flame of prayer. There’s still a spot that needs filling in 2 hours. Make it a prayer request and keep going. (If you haven’t noticed, this is word vomit.) The world spins, my mind is full and somehow I need to calm down before I start hyperventilating. Is this prayer? I think so. I’m ranting at God like I would any unfortunate person I ran across. But unlike said unfortunate person God is softly chuckling than setting my mind at rest.

I don’t know how, but this week, my stress max for the quarter, will pass away soon enough and all will be well.

My hand just got stolen – apparently my best friend felt like doodling. Have you ever written “love” on the inside of your wrist? It’s a statement against cutting. Also apparently everything to live for, sunshine, happiness, raindrops, spring and so many things I can’t fit on this blog. One super-stressed friend to another, we hold each other up. That’s what’s written on my wrist right now. And, as I start to calm down and listen, I know to pray for those who have or are or will cut. Those who have dealt with depression. The person about to jump off the bridge that God would stop them. The girl holding a knife that God would stay her hand. There’s a soldier about to fall – that he’d reach heaven. And I’m starting to remember why prayer is so important. I’m starting to run out of steam and collapse against God. It’s time to talk now- this is all it took.

God, continue to fill me with peace. Strengthen my resolve in finishing my work once the light of prayer has been passed on. You had the sun stand still for Joshua, let it do so for me that I may finish. But only if You will, for I am a student in your ways and I fall often – a failing more important than that of classes. Yet, in it all You are there, correcting and guiding me. Thank you for an hour of epiphanies and allow me to return when I can better listen to your calling.

And happy birthday to my best friend who’s forgotton she’s  turning 20 tomorrow. It’s funny how God gives everyday angels and how often we take them for granted.